Emotional Transitions II

Earlier I noted that according to Bowen family systems theory, transitions reveal a great deal about both the individuals and the communities involved in the transfer of a pastor.  Paying attention and sorting out the emotions are very important as to whether the transition is successful (that is, healthy) or not.

This post is about my dear people at Saint Juan Diego Parish in Sharpsburg.  I arrived four years ago, knowing almost nothing about the town or the parochial history and the people knowing nothing about me.  I found a mess physically.  All buildings and property were neglected, dirty and in great need of repair.  Worse I found a people spiritually disheartened, perhaps even abused. 

So we went to work.  I say “we” because although I provided the necessary leadership it was the hard work of the people which made good things happen.  We cleaned out and repaired buildings.  We sold unused buildings.  We turned around the appearance of the parish cemetery, and planned to build a mausoleum.  We re-instituted active pastoral and finance and cemetery councils.  We merged three historic parishes into one unified parish.  We welcomed new members and attempted evangelization.  Despite having over 250 funerals in four years, our Sunday Mass attendance remained constant. 
Along the way I found I loved these wonderful people.  And they loved me back.  So when I broke the news of my reassignment to New Castle, it hit the faith community hard.  I say that in all humility.  They were hurt I was leaving.  A few were angry at the bishop.  Some said, “Didn’t you receive a six year term as our pastor?  Don’t you have to fulfill it?”  A few understood that Sharpsburg was not the final assignment in my clerical career. 

To each person I tried to respond honestly and forthrightly.  I said, I too was hurt that I was leaving such a loving and special people.  I too loved them.  I wasn’t angry at the bishop, though.  I rather explained about the promise of obedience I made to the bishop years ago at my priestly ordination.  It “worked” not just when I wanted something, but especially when the bishop said he judged I was needed elsewhere for the good of the local church.  I explained that the term could be overridden by the needs of another community and the request of the bishop. 

And to a few I could be more honest, saying I knew I would leave sometime, sooner rather than later.  But my feelings of sadness upon leaving were real. 

For a healthy transition, the people had to express their feelings.  I had to receive their feelings, and share with them their grief.  I’d like to think that’s what we did. 
Parishioners rightly also feared who would be my successor.  What was his attitude?  How would he treat us?  Fortunately in this case it was only a short time before the bishop appointed a successor.  Anxiety didn’t have a long time to build up.  Even more fortunately the new pastor is a friend, someone I have known and trusted for a long time.  It was easy to say good things about his personality and pastoral style.  When I said from the pulpit, “Don’t hold it against him that he is my friend,” I got laughter.  That was good. 

Now I am gone, and the individuals in the congregation have to build new relationships with their new parish priest.  I hope that I responded in a healthy and transparent manner, to position them emotionally to disengage from me and begin the long process of engaging with their new spiritual leader.

For my part, I have received in their cards and letters upon my departure deeply touching words of affirmation and love which will support me for a long, long time.  I hope I have given them the gift of an emotionally—and spiritually—healthy transition.