The rituals which hold us together

Whenever I conduct wedding rehearsals at some point I usually give a three minute instruction on the ritual nature of the wedding ceremony.  In front of me are all these young people, usually very casually dressed, uncomfortable to be in church (which is not a usual habitat for most of them), and certainly uncomfortable when I (channeling my inner Miss Manners) tell them how to walk down the aisle, when to sit or stand, and explain the various parts of the Mass.  When I tell them that the best way they can pray during the wedding Mass is to be attentive to the readings, prayers and words of the newly-married couple, I feel like I am throwing pearls before swine.  Oh well.

I try to make the point that what we are about in the wedding ceremony is ritual behavior.  We are a casual people, I say, but tomorrow we do things that have basically been done the same way for centuries.  The formal entrance of the wedding party and the bride, the outlandish attire (tuxedos and thousand-dollar bridal dresses), the formal setting of a church, the celebration of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, a priest dressed in alb and chasuble -- all of these are formal ritual behavior, with important meanings.  Our very formality and participation in the wedding ritual points to the public importance of the vows pronounced by the bride and groom.  Some brides add to the ritual -- taking flowers to the altar of Mary and invoking her assistance, lighting a so-called unity candle, even crazy after-wedding ideas of blowing bubbles or throwing rice or releasing doves.

I have no idea if the members of the bridal party understand what I am talking about with my explanation of ritual.  But I am sure that rituals are all around us.  In an earlier post I described attending the first Steeler home game.  Talk about a place and time full of rituals!  

Another place I see clear and impressive ritual behavior is after some of the funerals we conduct in New Castle.  There is a lively group of local military veterans who, when asked by family, conduct a ceremony either at graveside in the cemetery or after a blessing service in the funeral home for a person who served in the military.

All of the men, veterans of World War II, Korea, Vietnam or Iraq I, come dressed very neatly in their crisp matching pale-green slacks and blouse, with appropriate military decorations over their breast.  Usually there are at least eight or ten, once in a while two dozen.  There are defined roles:  the leader who calls all to their service, the chaplain who prays, the one who reads a description of the deceased's military service, the shooters who fire three rounds, the one who plays (the tape) of Taps, the ones who so reverently and precisely fold the flag and present it to the widow or surviving son or daughter with such solemnity:  "On behalf of the President of the United States and a grateful nation, I present this flag to you in sacred memory of your loved one's service to his country."  At the conclusion all the veterans gathered go to the casket, two by two, salute smartly, and say, "Farewell, comrade."  Then they march away.

It is an impressive performance, and often calls forth tears from the deceased's family.  The veterans are very sincere, and do this freely.  They practice it, and do it very well.  The way they conduct themselves certainly calls forth the virtues they declaim in the ceremony:  "Duty, honor, service."  And all of it is ritual. 

I enjoy kicking back in my tee shirt, shorts and Crocs.  I enjoy being casual as much as the next guy.  But we human beings give meaning to our deepest beliefs through ritual  How many folks recognize them?